Jokes...Jokes ...Jokes    

One-Armed Man

Q: How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

A: wave at him

Confused Boy

Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

A: His Daddy was really a Mummy!

Yo Mama Jokes

  Yo mama is so fat, the last time she 90210 was when she stood on the bathroom scale.
  Yo mama is so fat, if she bought a fur coat a species will go extinct.

  Yo mamas so fat, she got baptized in Sea world!

  Yo mama is so stupid, she traded in her car for gas money.

  Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention. Yo mama is so ugly that they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.

A Little Girl OA Plane

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don''t know crap?"

I'm Glad You're Short...   
I'm glad you're short. It gives me less to complain about.

Blonde Ia Boat

 There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes bad names. If i could swim I would come out there and kick your butt!"

Blonde Driving

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

The Blonde and the Blinker

Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

Blonde and Picture

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

A: So she could use it as a mirror.

Nurse Nancy

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. ''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!'' ''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, “earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!'' All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway. ''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''

all of these jokes were provided by comedy central

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